Lilac Lily Pads: The truth

God if he does exist, is one sadistic bastard... He gives u hope n then thrashes everything with excruciating pain... I always asked myself why its so easy to fall in love n yet so hard to get over it.

here goes...

She dumped me, she was getting back to him, I was foolish to think it would last, I need someone to talk to, I need someone to hold on to... Thoughts rushing through, its all a blur, friends, I need my friends , frantically I search for my phone, fuck, fuck, why don't they pick up... I need some air...

I fill in my tank... Full... ''I'm gonna take myself on a little ride'' I tell my overloaded brian, I head for the outskirts, for 3 hours I ride aimlessly but I sense an uplifting, a serenity, someone once told me faster faster till the thrill of speed takes over the fear of death, the bike was running like a charm, the port job seemed to be doing its job, I stop for a chai at the roadside stall, I decide to try calling my friends again,Still no answer, busy they must be... an hour before sunset and I have a long way to get home, no way do I want to caught on an illight highway with a headlamp that wouldn't even pass of for an oil lamp... The ride home was excruciating, still no one to talk to, the lightening of my spirit was gone, I felt a dead weight settle, the setting sun did me no favors, the sickening graying of my soul grew darker, one last try, I ll try meeting the guys at their place, I need the support, as I get nearer to the adda I feel the skies clear n I suddenly felt lighter, I take the turn in n head for the room, no no ... Locked, the room is locked... locked ... Frustrated I leave, maybe home isn't so bad after all, the 5 minute ride from the adda to my place was nothing spectacular, my mind was still muddled, nothing made sense, confusion had taken over, I missed the turn, ''Nevermind'' I tell myself ''I'll take the next one'', I miss the next turn Too, I decide to pay a little more attention, the last turn is one that I never took, somehow never liked the road, as I took the turn I almost fell off trying to regain my bearings as one car took the turn too wide... I put my foot down to stop my self from toppling with the bike on top of me, the driver smiles sheepishly for a sorry apology, I snap my visor down, n start the bike, all of a sudden the road cleared, no traffic, it was like something was calling me, I revved hard and popped my clutch, the bike leaped forward 10,20, 30 , I switched to second, my fav, the bike screamed, 40, 60 as it almost hit 80, I slipped into 3rd, 90, 110 , oh shit, kid on the road, move u Freakin kid... Move... Too fast to brake, I veer to the left... Fuk oh Fuk, I slam on the brakes, holding on hard as I braced for the impact as I veered off the road, a wall of bricks stood in front of me... I try, I try hard to pull back to the right, its off no use, its too late, everything went in slow motion as I neared the pile of bricks, when my knee hit it, I could hear the bone snap, I felt my foot go limp and dangle lifeless to the side... I saw the handle-bar bend and held on still trying to get it back on the road, a futile attempt, all this happened in a split second, yet it felt like forever, the silence was broken as I heard the howl of the engine die as I let go off the accelerator, all I remember is hitting the road and grinding across the tarmac, I could see sparks flying off the bike as the road ate into the newly chromed parts, the bike n me came to a halt some 70 feet away from the impact, my eyes were closed hoping it was dream, I opened them , it wasn't, the first thing that crossed my mind is that I never got the bike into 4th, now I'll never know its potential.... I could hear someone shout for water, I could see some boys looking down on me, soon there was crowd, all wanting to know what happened, none willing to help. One man asked me for my phone to call for an ambulance, I gave it to him in good faith, he did call for an ambulance, its a different story that he had runaway with the phone soon after.

The ambulance, the hospital, the operation, the discharge, the gyan sessions, the emotional older aunts, the friends lost, the friends found it didn't matter, it still hurt.

A few days later, I decided to to tell my dad about the whole story, how I veered off to avoid the little kid and the works, my dad looked at me weird n said '' you got pretty much all the story right, only there was no kid '''' it was a man '' ... I don't remember the man but the kid still haunts me at times ... My only explanation for it is that I was under so much mental stress that I halucinated the kid, a mirage... It weird the things that emotions do to u...