Lilac lily pads: La troisième partie

Everything that is flawed must be discarded. People are flawed, people make rules. Hence all rules are flawed and so should be discarded.

I was walking again, a cane in hand, but walking.

She called; she told me she was happy, my answer was silence… She told me she was leaving town with him. “I want to meet you before I go” she said “can I come over to your place…”. It’s funny how you forget how someone hurt you when you love them. The meeting was brief, the usual questions, the chiding, the silence, the awkward goodbye. A bruised ego, a scarred heart and a healing bone… Never the best combination for a hormone imbalanced teen. I should have picked myself up and moved on, I wasn’t strong enough… Despair …
I was banned from riding, the only thing that could set me free was taken away. Depression set in… Some people noticed it, most didn’t… I retreated into a shell… suicidal dreams… Contemplating how to ends one’s life seems absurdly simple, a little too simple… All it took was one call that changed everything.

I absentmindedly searched in the dark for the phone, annoying ringtone. I made a mental note to change it before it drove me clinically insane. .. I looked at the glowing screen… 3am… I wondered who could be so inconsiderate to call at such an ungodly hour… I didn’t recognize the number and decided to ignore it. Just as I was drifting back into sleep, it rang again, I sprang up and almost immediately felt the pain surge, I muffled myself with the pillow, damn the leg. I looked at the phone, the same number. I picked it up with every intention to scream my head off. As soon as the phone reached my ear “I love her dude… I really love her” the voice was slurred, he was drunk, I shook the sleep off, “ Who?” I asked, “I love her dude and she doesn’t even know it…” ; wide awake now I recognized the voice, an old friend; “I’m fucking useless man, I never told her”; he went on; “My dad hates me, I flunked, I tried, you know I tried and it doesn’t even matter now”. I was at a loss of words, my teetotaler friend was drunk, in love and drunk, to top it all depressed too. “ I think I’ll jump off the roof and kill myself”; (this is actually what he said and I shit you not);Almost instantaneous lucidity hit him and he corrected himself;” The roof isn’t high enough to kill me… I fucking useless man, I can’t even kill myself “. I still haven’t figured out why I said the next line, “Jump off the roof again man, eventually you gonna kill yourself”. “Now you are a real friend man, a real buddy, I love you man”…. Silence… the line went dead… Panic hit me, was he still alive, I called him back… no answer… I called again, this time the slurred voice was even more slurred “ I passed out man” . This was comforting in a very weird way. We spoke for another hour with him mostly accusing me of hiding people in my closet. He eventually drifted off to sleep.

As I looked through the window in my room, I could see the red hues of dawn breaking … HOPE… Guess I didn’t have a good enough reason to sulk, I didn’t fail, I loved someone and they knew it.